Pagan Traitor

During Christmas last year, I attended a Carol Service at the beautiful Bath abbey. It's a gorgeous Church, the stain glass windows are beautiful and it's a wonderful building with so much history. The first official King of England was crowned there.

With the lovely Christmas lights and atmosphere, it was a wonderful evening. The choir was made up of Bath Spa University music students, who sung absolutely beautifully and as soon as I got home, on my laptop, I praised their efforts and the incredibly welcoming atmosphere on Facebook. I received several comments from friends who hadn't been able to go or had been part of it. But one that really stood out was a Pagan friend, who left just one word:

Traitor.

Cue my horror and my Christian's friends anger. I never felt I was betraying any part of my religion or deceiving my Christian friends around me. I used to love singing as part of my Christian choir in primary school. I love Churches for their architecture, their design and beauty. The solemnity and peace that can be found in Churches, is the same when I decorate my alter for Pagan festivals. I did not say the Lord's prayer, because I'm not a Christian, so I wouldn't pray to a God I no longer put my faith in. But I didn't go to the Abbey because I was a Christian or wanted to be one again. I had a lovely time with my friends and appreciated the readings, the music and the singing. There is a sense of togetherness in Churches, that can be sometimes hard to find or replicate in Paganism, because the Pagan friends you make in your own country are few and far between. The ones you meet online, living in different countries, provide support and knowledge. But I know it is not quite the same thing as a Christian Church.

Sometimes, I don't always feel welcome in a Church or as though I really belong there. When I visit my Polish cousins, and go to their Catholic Orthodox Church; I am left feeling nervous and uncomfortable, while I watch an old lady smooch up with Jesus (it's an Easter thing*). But I think that is more down to me and not so much because anyone there would treat me badly. There are Christians who have offended me, but more often it is out of ignorance or pride, rather than any real bad intent.

I feel appreciating other people's religions and cultures does not make me, or anyone else a traitor to their own faith or culture. In the same way, I listened to two young women having a conversation. One of the women was clearly a Christian (C) and the other was of Asian (A) decent. And it saddened me, more than I can say, to hear the Christian girl being so dismissive of other people's cultures and religions (even when she had not met this hypothetical person).

C: I could never marry someone of a different religion. I have to get married in a Church.
A: Not even if you really loved them?
C:...Well, their religion would have to be similar to mine or they would have to convert.
A: You could get married in a Church and then in whatever religious building they wanted to get married in.
C:...Yes...But what about our kids? Christmas would be really awkward if he didn't celebrate Christmas.
A: But pretty much everyone celebrates Christmas. Even I celebrate Christmas.
C: Yeah, but you don't celebrate it for the religion.
A: Not many people do. I like Christmas because of the family time, the decorations, the lights, etc. It's a wonderful time.

So this hypothetical person may not exist, but I can't help thinking how religion creates a terrible divide like this. For many people it doesn't, and for everyone it shouldn't. Even if there is a paradise beyond our earthly lives now, that shouldn't mean we are divided from people we could consider our friends, our neighbours and our loved ones. To cut yourself off from other people and other cultures, isn't a sign of strength, it's a sign of fear and weakness. By walking into a Church or any other religious building, we are proving that we wish to understand those around us and learn to appreciate a different culture that may be vastly different from our own. Pagans, Christians, Jews, Muslims, Sikhs, Hindus by doing this we are proving to ourselves and others there is nothing to fear from one another, and that the monsters are more often of our own making.

Blessed Be

Hades = The Devil? I Don't Think So.

How long? How long do I have to wait before I see a version of Greek Mythology that has not been Christianised within an inch of its life? Seriously, Hollywood, stop pissing me off...Well maybe not just Hollywood. I'm seeing a whole lot of this going on. And new Hercules...um...Gladiators?! Stop putting f***ing Gladiators in Ancient Greek films/tv shows.

Ah, hello readers. I shall calm myself and structure this into a proper argument.

As a Pagan, I am getting increasingly annoyed with how my beloved Gods are portrayed. Yes, I get it. You can't have a man-whore Zeus, a callous and jealous Hera and a not-quite-a-villain Hades in a Disney film. That's understandable. And in a way, as a writer, I completely understand new interpretations of Greek mythology; that has gone on for years and there are multitudes of different stories (some we probably don't even know about)!

I guess it's just all the romanticising that goes on. Myths aren't meant to be nice little fairytales (even fairytales aren't always fairytales - check out the original Brothers Grimm stuff, f***ing hell!). The main thing that's bugging me, is the way my friends (who aren't pagans or fountains of literary mythology knowledge), assume they know more than me about Greek mythology because they've read Percy Jackson or seen Atlantis (BBC TV Series). And all I can really do is sit there and shake my head. Because in reality, they only know the bastardised version of Greek mythology. The one that's been painted and preened till it's more wholesome and easier to swallow.

One of the reasons I chose to follow the Ancient Greek Gods, wasn't to be cool or unique, it was because they were more human than the Christian God I had followed. They weren't pinnacles of morality or righteousness. Half the time they did not stop the monsters, they caused them. Perhaps there's an immorality and a chaotic nature within me, that innately calls to that idea of passion and chaos. I don't want life to be easy and uncomplicated, where's the fun in that? You might say I am asking for trouble. Maybe I am, but the last thing I want in life is to live out a path that really means very little, either to myself or anyone else.

So in a way, I don't want to see my Gods neatened and dressed up, till they fit within a nice little Christian theme. Stop telling me and others that there is only good and evil. That for those of us who aren't 'evil', we won't ever become it or be able to understand it. And for those of us who are, there's really no escape from that path. Stop changing my view of life and death, for yours. I don't want to see your view of Hell, as my view of the Underworld. The respect and companionship we once had with Death, is now irrevocably changed. We now fear the expected, which is madness, yet we waste this current life worrying about it. Stop telling me that the Mother should be sweet and kind, the Father brave and resourceful and the Devil is without goodness.

I want my Paganism to be shown fully on TV and Films, without frills or censorship. I want there to be more than archetypes and stereotypes. And for once in all my life, I don't want to see Gladiator fights on an Ancient Greek film. Get those men entirely naked and running round a field! Or wrestling. I don't care, just make sure they're naked, check your historical facts first and then go to the myths for inspiration. There's nothing wrong with new stories and ideas, I just want some of my religion left behind when I see the final product and not a sweetened version of it.

Are the Extroverts Quiet?

For those of you that don't know about being extroverted or introverted, Carl Jung (a psychoanalysis dude) created the two types of basic personality. Introverts are more likely to find comfort in being by themselves, not having vast amounts of face-to-face, social interactions and enjoying pastimes like reading, writing, puzzles, hiking and other sports activities that require steady thinking and logic. Extroverts, on the other hand, enjoy a lot of social interaction (including web-based socialising), but they prefer face-to-face; they're more likely to enjoy risk-taking and being involved in large group activities. This isn't going to be an article lamenting the follies and perceived superficiality of an extrovert. I am an introvert, but I'm going to try and keep myself reminded of how all extroverts are human! And that they will find my preferred lifestyle, hobbies and frame of mind, really weird.

It has to be said though, there's a lot of negativity when it comes to being either introverted or extroverted. As I said, if you're extroverted everyone will assume your fake, superficial, popular bitch who likes to party every night and never get any work done. But don't worry, you can smooth talk your teacher and get away with it! If you're introverted, then you've clearly got a mental disorder, can't function as a human being and like spending more time with your sock puppets, than actual people.

And let's leave those stereotypes at the door. We've got to wonder why we have these two personality types still present in the world. If so much of our work/school/social life depends on us being extroverted, then why do we still have introverts? Because human life needs introverts, otherwise we'd consider it an evolutionary fail and get rid of it. Likewise, we need the people who can explain what we're going to do, how we're going to do it and gets the ball rolling. Extroverts are important too.

But there now seems to be a big celebration for the introverts out there, especially on the internet and more so, on places like Tumblr. There are so many blog posts on myths about introverts. Introverts don't have social anxiety disorder, they're not nervous or shy, it's just we reach a point where we say 'Ok...that's enough. No more socialising today, I've filled up my quota.' Introverts are generally considered nerdy and we fulfill the general nerdy stereotypes. Which is why I think there's such an abundance of them on places like youtube and tumblr. But how many extroverts are on tumblr? There may be a fair few on youtube and certainly on facebook or twitter, but are there that many on the main place for fandom related blog posts, political sentiment and overwhelming nerdiness?

I didn't particularly understand what extroversion was, until quite recently. Being an introvert I tended to gravitate towards people who had similar mindsets to mine. Being an extrovert is, in many ways, completely incomprehensible to me. I am honestly impressed with anyone who can keep up that level of socialising and not get exhausted. Don't get me wrong, I certainly like talking as much as the next person, but I love talking even more when it's about something really political or about the great themes of life. I want to talk about literature, history, psychology, philosophy and the dramatic arts, not about so-and-so's new boyfriend or the weather or what I want for dinner. Unless we're discussing the best baking techniques...but that's a whole different ball game. Not to say, extroverts can't or won't talk about the bigger things in life, they're just more likely to talk about the little things as well. I am introverted, so I will have something of a bias towards introversion, but there's no right/wrong way of thinking or behaving.

Two of my housemates are clearly introverted, although they are charming around other people and can talk easily about any ideas they have. My third housemate is an extrovert. She can't stand quietness. Either she's talking to us or listening to her music or watching TV shows/films. When the topic of introversion and extroversion came up, she expressed how she couldn't bear to be alone for long periods of time, but how my other housemates agreed with me when we said we needed a time to recharge our batteries. While she finds working alone difficult and stressful, we find it the ultimate way to calm down, relax and think about new ideas. If someone seeks her out to talk, she will happily drop everything to do so. I could've probably quite easily murdered her, when she interrupted me while I was trying to write a poem.

But with this in mind, my parents would often lament in my teenage years, saying 'You don't see anyone enough. You don't talk to people enough.' and I was like 'Yes I do...what's facebook for?' I wasn't being a miserable, grumpy teenager (well...not entirely!), but I didn't understand how I would have to go to school for roughly six and a half hours; often spending time with people, whose company I did not enjoy, then be expected to spend my weekends socialising with people I would see the week after. For an introvert, this kind of thing is crazy. Let's do the maths!

If we spend 32.5 hrs per five days, being with people we both like and dislike talking to. Quite a large chunk of that time is spent socialising. 48hrs where we can solely spend time by ourselves or with our family seems quite a reasonable exchange. However, my mum who is extroverted and my dad who has created the persona of an extrovert, didn't understand this at all and it would often explode into me saying 'Because I don't like people!' Now, having read more on being an introvert and accepting this, I can now reasonably state that I do like people. I just don't like spending too much time with people. My introverted friends and I do meet up, but you're less likely to find us in a club, and more likely to find us curled up on the sofa, eating pizza and watching a good film. And no one overstays their welcome!

And that's why Tumblr is an amazing place for both socialising and not socialising. It fulfills the introvert's need for quiet time, deep thinking and talking with others. But it led me to wonder are there many extroverts on here? I'm certain some extroverts do enjoy Tumblr, but with their need to talk and be busy, are they around very often? If I was an extrovert, I would probably get annoyed with the amount of flack I get for being the way I am and how introversion is perceived as somehow nobler on the internet. I do think the internet is becoming a place for introverts, but that doesn't mean we should treat our extroverted cousins with disdain and label them with false stereotypes.

We've grown to be frustrated with a world that perceives our silence as ignorance, our steady tread as overly cautious and our inability to sell ideas as an inability to have no ideas. So let's not assume extroverts cannot become excited and passionate about ideas, just as much as we can. Even if they're busy networking in the real world right now, we should still keep the internet open for them too.

A Moment of Reflection

I don’t know what I am anymore,

I am at the cutting stage,
The moment of back and forward, A slicing of rope.

The soft nakedness of darkness,
Sweet, purple skies and the moon shattered into glass,
A light beyond all trees and sound,
The poisoned leaves scratching soft winds.

Your eyes are the colours of the world,
The small captivity of nature held in those great hands,
Please don’t break.

We see everything caught, held in a moment
Glistening reflection.
Those false colours.
Hold onto the grass, till you slip.

There is something dead in the golden wheat,
A cup of festering sweetness.
A ship caught on the tides of the sand,
So we must carry the moon.

Our music held within the trees and played forever and ever and ever and ever.
It cannot be lost.
But will still be.
They say we fall, because Eve’s tears slipped downwards.

The light shall shine on that tree,
On that deadened rock.
Let the sun shine across the marshes.
Till that moment of reflection

Again.

Again.

A    g    a    i     n

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Original poem by me. Hope you enjoyed.