Saving Mr Banks (or why I cry whenever I see this film)

So while this film was released a while ago, I only got to see it in Easter with my brother. I'd never really heard of P. L. Travers, though I'm sure much to her chagrin, I had watched the Disney version of Mary Poppins and always loved it. Unlike many Disney films it is the one that holds a really special place in my heart, because whenever I went to see my granny, I would always watch Mary Poppins at her house. I was never an entire convert to Disney, unlike some of my friends. I wasn't keen on Sleeping Beauty, because I loved the original ballet, I never really watched Cinderella or Snow White, I only like Beauty and the Beast, because Belle read books and so did I!

Perhaps it's because I've always liked tragedy in stories, that the Little Mermaid left me unimpressed (where was the suicide? Where was the true heartbreak?) and the Hunchback of Notre Dame, became a Disney film I hated (the witchhunts, the madwoman, the nonacceptance of society of sexual relationships outside marriage, were all wiped out). You would be forgiven in calling me strange or even precocious, but then I adored Grimm fairy tales and Greek myths and legends when I was younger, so in many ways I can easily understand Travers' disgust of Disney's sweetening of traditional fairytales and the lessons to children that all they need is 'a spoonful of sugar!'

I'm not denying that there is something good about innocence and acceptance, which many children have, but there does seem to be now a bit of a backlash towards some of the more sugary, sweet stories. We have Harry Potter, A Series of Unfortunate Events, the Hobbit and even some of the Disney films are getting darker in tone. Mary Poppins (film) still dealt with a distant father, too concerned with making money and keeping order, to really notice his children. The version of Mary Poppins in the book is rather different from the film version, who Travers certainly considered too trivial and sweet. But perhaps one of the things in the Mary Poppins film was how easy it was to identify with the film's protagonists. I have a younger brother, a feminist mother and at one point a father who became very distant from me and my brother.

With Saving Mr Banks this theme of redeeming a relationship with a father, became even more applicable to me. I certainly enjoyed the brilliant acting of Emma Thompson (Pamela Travers) and the witty one liners in the script, but what makes me weep without fail is Pamela's past with her family, and her father especially. For me, I can watch a dozen romances without shedding a tear, because I have not been in a similar situation and I always need to emotionally identify with a film before I cry. Having learnt a little more about the truthful account of Travers and her relationship with Disney, I realise there's a fair bit of sweetening, and bias in Disney's favour, for the sake of a happy ending. But I didn't expect an entirely truthful depiction, because this a biopic and not a documentary. And I am perfectly fine with that, because the story and acting are wonderful.

During my childhood, I had admired my father a lot, he is intelligent, creative and inventive. He taught me about birdwatching, gardening, read me stories and even made them up at times. He encouraged my imagination, my learning and my playtime. In the same way Pamela Travers/Helen Goff shares a similar relationship with her father. He has all the time in the world for her, loves her and urges her to pursue whatever it is she wishes to accomplish. But the need to make money at the bank he works at, and the sinking depression Travers Goff fell into, sours this relationship and those of the family.

The same happened to my family, soon my father was making money because he needed to, not because he wanted to. After every family outing or day out shared with my father I was expected to count every penny we had spent, even if I didn't want to, because I wanted to enjoy the day we had spent together. Sadly, this also happened around my teenage years, so I began to have less and less to do with my father. While I don't blame anyone, Pamela's feelings of guilt, reminded me of my own, because I winded up spending very little time with my father. When I watched the film I was reminded how much I had loved and respected my dad, but through our own mistakes we had driven each other away. Saving Mr Banks concerns the saving of all fathers, either if they mistakenly put money before their children's happiness or forget their own happiness with a need to make money. As the Sherman brothers so succinctly, and ironically, put:

You're a man of high position,

Esteemed by your peers.

And when your little tykes are crying,

You haven't time to dry their tears,

And see them grateful little faces,

Smiling up at you,

Because their dad, he always knows

Just what to do. 

You've got to grind, grind, grind,

At that grindstone,

Though childhood slips like sand through a sieve,

And all too soon they've up and grown,

And then they've flown,

And it's too late for you to give,

Just that spoonful of sugar,

To help the medicine go down.

Pamela Travers certainly had a difficult past, which she tried (and in many ways failed) to hide away. I think really she didn't want a film to be made at all, and when it had to be, made the process as difficult as possible through her many complaints. Partly because of psychological trauma, partly loyalty to her books, but mostly because she wanted to. But for me the film means a whole lot more than a woman making a fuss over the movie interpretation of her book. It's the closest a film has come to representing my childhood and knowing I've been lucky to still have a chance to continue loving and admiring my dad, and knowing he still loves and admires me.

No1 Annoying Thing about Sex

Today my friend was reading out a list, from a Metro article '27 things men do in bed that women hate', about all the many annoying things men do during sex. I couldn't help rolling my eyes and sighing out loud. But today I did manage to think of the most annoying thing I find concerning sex, which effects everyone.

1. Writing an article about all the annoying sex habits your partner has, instead of actually talking to them about it.

Delicate egos and one night stands aside, most men I've come across have been more than willing to make sure I was ok and enjoying every minute. If you're in a long term relationship with someone, then they should be aware of what makes you happy and what makes you unhappy. If you're too worried about whether their cock will shrivel up and die, by suggesting you don't like your hair being pulled, then maybe you should reconsider your attitude towards the relationship or theirs.

Plus any list that groups together heterosexual females in one category determining whether they like or dislike certain sexual activities, is rarely a good idea. For one, I have no problem with putting a man's condom on him or him asking whether I like something...Um, women of Metro, isn't that the whole problem? That these men don't ask you whether you like certain things. So here's my response.

1. Online Porn Site Sex Position - If they're so keen to do this, discuss it before you wind up doing a headstand or if you find something uncomfortable, just say so.

2. What face do I pull? - Well hopefully you'll be in the throws of pure pleasure. Or hell, just whatever comes naturally.

3. When they ask YOU to put the condom on - Just deal with it, like the mature, sexy woman you are. You don't want to get pregnant, condoms aren't particularly comfortable for men and if you've come this far then realise you're both part and parcel of this.

4. Spanking - Saying 'Ow, that hurt.' tends to work. Unless you enjoy D/S or BDSM, but if you do you should have an alternative safe word.

5. When they stop - You're not going to get a vaginal orgasm every time, so don't worry too much about this. Don't blame each other. If you have the stamina, have a rest and see if you can continue.

6. Asking “do you like that?” - I fail to see the problem here. He's being nice. Jesus, give the guy some slack!

7. Gag reflect - Hand at the base of the penis, means even if he pushes your head further down, you still have control.

8. Stripping - You're one sexy lady, maintain eye contact, smile confidently, laugh if you make a mistake. More you worry about it, the worse it gets.

9. Online Reading - See No.1

10. Bum - See No.1/No.4

11. Dragging it out - See No.6

12. Going down on you in the morning - Say you're not in the mood and suggest showering together.

13. Putting their fingers everywhere - Pull his hands to a particular place on your body or ask him to touch you somewhere.

14. Sticking objects in you - See No.1/No.4

15. Anal Sex - See No.1/No.4

16. Aggressive Foreplay - See No.1/No.4

17. Nipple biting - See No.4

18. Pulling your hair - See No.4

19. Baggy boxers - Whoop Xmas Present.

20. Man stubble - If it's uncomfortable, tell him.

21. 69 - See No.1 Tell the truth.

22. Fried chicken before a blow job - Um...avoid fried chicken before bed?

23. Rushing foreplay/27 seconds - See No.1/No.5/Tell him.

24. Wanting to ejaculate on your face - See No.1

25. Being passive aggressive when they can’t make you orgasm - See No.5

26. Trying to remove underwear with their teeth - Ok...that's kind of weird. But maybe it floats some people's boats.

27. Not cleaning properly - Shower/bathe together. Two birds, one stone!

Point is, sometimes these things may turn some people on and sometimes they won't. If something is bothering you, then just freaking tell your partner. Do it nicely, but sheesh! If you want them to stop doing something, they're not going to read your fucking mind and realise you don't like it. If you feel uncomfortable broaching the topic of sex, then maybe you should consider your whole relationship to sex. Sex is and should be wonderful, it can be passionate, loving, hot as hell, it can also be awkward and funny. But it shouldn't be painful or uncomfortable for very long. Do yourself and your partner a favour by being honest with what you want, what you like and what you don't like. It pays off in the end.

A New Era for Women and Disney?

Frozen has become central for debates regarding feminism, a potential new era for Disney and dividing people down the line. So what I'm here to argue is...it's a middle ground. I'm not going to argue it's really revolutionary, because how long do we have to wait before we get both a decent strong female character and a strong plot? We seem to get stuck in a situation of either/or and it's frustrating. There have been loads of great Disney/Pixar films regarding male leads and their adventures, e.g Wreck it Ralph, Ratatouille, Toy Story. But when it comes to female leads and their adventures, the plots tend to fall flat or rely on the old 'and they fall in love and live happily ever after.' trope.

There's something that's always bugged me about Brave, for example, and up until recently I couldn't quite work out what that was. Then I sort of realised. Despite the ending culminating in Merida forming a better relationship with her mother and her mother letting her hair down (pun entirely intended!), we're still being taught that a girl with an adventurous, bold streak will end up being in trouble. Brave has the two wonderful characters of Merida and Elinor, it questioned the bond between mother and daughter, but had this been about a boy seeking acceptance from his father I can't help thinking the plot would have been different. Would he be almost 'punished' for his adventurous, daring streak? And as usual we get the whole marriage theme (albeit Merida not wanting to marry at all).

But her adventure falls flat, because in reality she doesn't change her fate at all. The will o' the whisps and the witch do. Yes, she might have avoided the loathsome issue of marriage, but when we really think about it, Merida has no real say over her journey. In a similar vein to Ratatouille, Merida wants to go on an adventure to find out more about the world, her passions in life and the choices she has to make. But unlike Remy, she really ends up with little say about this, because rather than the adventure being important, it is still her family and her responsibilities as a Princess that are important, not Merida herself. Does she wind up with the choice to remain single? For some reason, I doubt it. Young MacGuffin's apparent gibberish in the film, is actually Scottish Gaelic, and what he does say at one point is 'The Princess should decide who she marries.' This may imply that despite Merida's timely escape from marriage for now, she will still have to marry someone in the future. Because the stability of the surrounding kingdoms rely on her eventually becoming a brood mare.

Another issue I'm taking with Disney films is the amount of boys. I appreciate that may sound wrong, but let's look at every single heroine who has had to be surrounded by a gang of guys (or at least male gendered counterparts). Rapunzel, from Tangled, had Flynn/Eugene, Pascal and Maximus; Tiana, from the Princess and the Frog, had Prince Naveen, Louis and Ray; Pocahontas had John Smith, Flit and Meeko; Anna, from Frozen, had Kristoff, Sven and Olaf...hmm, I'm noticing a pattern here! It's apparently impossible for a female lead to get from A to B, without one potential love interest and two goofy sidekicks. No way we can drop just one for a female sidekick? Who could talk maybe? No...? Ok.

But it does mean, apart from one, often naive or even foolish woman, that young girls have no one to identify with. Even those females with a grain of sense and determination are seen as foolish. Tiana is told her dream of owning a restaurant won't mean anything without a man at her side. Whether she met someone or not, I am certain her father would be damn proud of her. I felt cold, when her exclamation of needing to work harder to gain her dream, was treated with ridicule. Her hard work and no nonsense attitude should be seen as admirable, not as idiotic. We shouldn't regard Tiana as lacking something, because she has no romantic inclination at the time. If we compare it with another film, regarding the same desire of owning a restaurant and cooking. Ratatouille focuses more or less on Remy's desire to cook. Yes, he's told he's a fool, but he defends his dream to the hilt. But the thing is I don't recall Remy being told his dream of owning his restaurant would mean nothing without a female rat by his side.

Pagan Traitor

During Christmas last year, I attended a Carol Service at the beautiful Bath abbey. It's a gorgeous Church, the stain glass windows are beautiful and it's a wonderful building with so much history. The first official King of England was crowned there.

With the lovely Christmas lights and atmosphere, it was a wonderful evening. The choir was made up of Bath Spa University music students, who sung absolutely beautifully and as soon as I got home, on my laptop, I praised their efforts and the incredibly welcoming atmosphere on Facebook. I received several comments from friends who hadn't been able to go or had been part of it. But one that really stood out was a Pagan friend, who left just one word:

Traitor.

Cue my horror and my Christian's friends anger. I never felt I was betraying any part of my religion or deceiving my Christian friends around me. I used to love singing as part of my Christian choir in primary school. I love Churches for their architecture, their design and beauty. The solemnity and peace that can be found in Churches, is the same when I decorate my alter for Pagan festivals. I did not say the Lord's prayer, because I'm not a Christian, so I wouldn't pray to a God I no longer put my faith in. But I didn't go to the Abbey because I was a Christian or wanted to be one again. I had a lovely time with my friends and appreciated the readings, the music and the singing. There is a sense of togetherness in Churches, that can be sometimes hard to find or replicate in Paganism, because the Pagan friends you make in your own country are few and far between. The ones you meet online, living in different countries, provide support and knowledge. But I know it is not quite the same thing as a Christian Church.

Sometimes, I don't always feel welcome in a Church or as though I really belong there. When I visit my Polish cousins, and go to their Catholic Orthodox Church; I am left feeling nervous and uncomfortable, while I watch an old lady smooch up with Jesus (it's an Easter thing*). But I think that is more down to me and not so much because anyone there would treat me badly. There are Christians who have offended me, but more often it is out of ignorance or pride, rather than any real bad intent.

I feel appreciating other people's religions and cultures does not make me, or anyone else a traitor to their own faith or culture. In the same way, I listened to two young women having a conversation. One of the women was clearly a Christian (C) and the other was of Asian (A) decent. And it saddened me, more than I can say, to hear the Christian girl being so dismissive of other people's cultures and religions (even when she had not met this hypothetical person).

C: I could never marry someone of a different religion. I have to get married in a Church.
A: Not even if you really loved them?
C:...Well, their religion would have to be similar to mine or they would have to convert.
A: You could get married in a Church and then in whatever religious building they wanted to get married in.
C:...Yes...But what about our kids? Christmas would be really awkward if he didn't celebrate Christmas.
A: But pretty much everyone celebrates Christmas. Even I celebrate Christmas.
C: Yeah, but you don't celebrate it for the religion.
A: Not many people do. I like Christmas because of the family time, the decorations, the lights, etc. It's a wonderful time.

So this hypothetical person may not exist, but I can't help thinking how religion creates a terrible divide like this. For many people it doesn't, and for everyone it shouldn't. Even if there is a paradise beyond our earthly lives now, that shouldn't mean we are divided from people we could consider our friends, our neighbours and our loved ones. To cut yourself off from other people and other cultures, isn't a sign of strength, it's a sign of fear and weakness. By walking into a Church or any other religious building, we are proving that we wish to understand those around us and learn to appreciate a different culture that may be vastly different from our own. Pagans, Christians, Jews, Muslims, Sikhs, Hindus by doing this we are proving to ourselves and others there is nothing to fear from one another, and that the monsters are more often of our own making.

Blessed Be

Hades = The Devil? I Don't Think So.

How long? How long do I have to wait before I see a version of Greek Mythology that has not been Christianised within an inch of its life? Seriously, Hollywood, stop pissing me off...Well maybe not just Hollywood. I'm seeing a whole lot of this going on. And new Hercules...um...Gladiators?! Stop putting f***ing Gladiators in Ancient Greek films/tv shows.

Ah, hello readers. I shall calm myself and structure this into a proper argument.

As a Pagan, I am getting increasingly annoyed with how my beloved Gods are portrayed. Yes, I get it. You can't have a man-whore Zeus, a callous and jealous Hera and a not-quite-a-villain Hades in a Disney film. That's understandable. And in a way, as a writer, I completely understand new interpretations of Greek mythology; that has gone on for years and there are multitudes of different stories (some we probably don't even know about)!

I guess it's just all the romanticising that goes on. Myths aren't meant to be nice little fairytales (even fairytales aren't always fairytales - check out the original Brothers Grimm stuff, f***ing hell!). The main thing that's bugging me, is the way my friends (who aren't pagans or fountains of literary mythology knowledge), assume they know more than me about Greek mythology because they've read Percy Jackson or seen Atlantis (BBC TV Series). And all I can really do is sit there and shake my head. Because in reality, they only know the bastardised version of Greek mythology. The one that's been painted and preened till it's more wholesome and easier to swallow.

One of the reasons I chose to follow the Ancient Greek Gods, wasn't to be cool or unique, it was because they were more human than the Christian God I had followed. They weren't pinnacles of morality or righteousness. Half the time they did not stop the monsters, they caused them. Perhaps there's an immorality and a chaotic nature within me, that innately calls to that idea of passion and chaos. I don't want life to be easy and uncomplicated, where's the fun in that? You might say I am asking for trouble. Maybe I am, but the last thing I want in life is to live out a path that really means very little, either to myself or anyone else.

So in a way, I don't want to see my Gods neatened and dressed up, till they fit within a nice little Christian theme. Stop telling me and others that there is only good and evil. That for those of us who aren't 'evil', we won't ever become it or be able to understand it. And for those of us who are, there's really no escape from that path. Stop changing my view of life and death, for yours. I don't want to see your view of Hell, as my view of the Underworld. The respect and companionship we once had with Death, is now irrevocably changed. We now fear the expected, which is madness, yet we waste this current life worrying about it. Stop telling me that the Mother should be sweet and kind, the Father brave and resourceful and the Devil is without goodness.

I want my Paganism to be shown fully on TV and Films, without frills or censorship. I want there to be more than archetypes and stereotypes. And for once in all my life, I don't want to see Gladiator fights on an Ancient Greek film. Get those men entirely naked and running round a field! Or wrestling. I don't care, just make sure they're naked, check your historical facts first and then go to the myths for inspiration. There's nothing wrong with new stories and ideas, I just want some of my religion left behind when I see the final product and not a sweetened version of it.

Are the Extroverts Quiet?

For those of you that don't know about being extroverted or introverted, Carl Jung (a psychoanalysis dude) created the two types of basic personality. Introverts are more likely to find comfort in being by themselves, not having vast amounts of face-to-face, social interactions and enjoying pastimes like reading, writing, puzzles, hiking and other sports activities that require steady thinking and logic. Extroverts, on the other hand, enjoy a lot of social interaction (including web-based socialising), but they prefer face-to-face; they're more likely to enjoy risk-taking and being involved in large group activities. This isn't going to be an article lamenting the follies and perceived superficiality of an extrovert. I am an introvert, but I'm going to try and keep myself reminded of how all extroverts are human! And that they will find my preferred lifestyle, hobbies and frame of mind, really weird.

It has to be said though, there's a lot of negativity when it comes to being either introverted or extroverted. As I said, if you're extroverted everyone will assume your fake, superficial, popular bitch who likes to party every night and never get any work done. But don't worry, you can smooth talk your teacher and get away with it! If you're introverted, then you've clearly got a mental disorder, can't function as a human being and like spending more time with your sock puppets, than actual people.

And let's leave those stereotypes at the door. We've got to wonder why we have these two personality types still present in the world. If so much of our work/school/social life depends on us being extroverted, then why do we still have introverts? Because human life needs introverts, otherwise we'd consider it an evolutionary fail and get rid of it. Likewise, we need the people who can explain what we're going to do, how we're going to do it and gets the ball rolling. Extroverts are important too.

But there now seems to be a big celebration for the introverts out there, especially on the internet and more so, on places like Tumblr. There are so many blog posts on myths about introverts. Introverts don't have social anxiety disorder, they're not nervous or shy, it's just we reach a point where we say 'Ok...that's enough. No more socialising today, I've filled up my quota.' Introverts are generally considered nerdy and we fulfill the general nerdy stereotypes. Which is why I think there's such an abundance of them on places like youtube and tumblr. But how many extroverts are on tumblr? There may be a fair few on youtube and certainly on facebook or twitter, but are there that many on the main place for fandom related blog posts, political sentiment and overwhelming nerdiness?

I didn't particularly understand what extroversion was, until quite recently. Being an introvert I tended to gravitate towards people who had similar mindsets to mine. Being an extrovert is, in many ways, completely incomprehensible to me. I am honestly impressed with anyone who can keep up that level of socialising and not get exhausted. Don't get me wrong, I certainly like talking as much as the next person, but I love talking even more when it's about something really political or about the great themes of life. I want to talk about literature, history, psychology, philosophy and the dramatic arts, not about so-and-so's new boyfriend or the weather or what I want for dinner. Unless we're discussing the best baking techniques...but that's a whole different ball game. Not to say, extroverts can't or won't talk about the bigger things in life, they're just more likely to talk about the little things as well. I am introverted, so I will have something of a bias towards introversion, but there's no right/wrong way of thinking or behaving.

Two of my housemates are clearly introverted, although they are charming around other people and can talk easily about any ideas they have. My third housemate is an extrovert. She can't stand quietness. Either she's talking to us or listening to her music or watching TV shows/films. When the topic of introversion and extroversion came up, she expressed how she couldn't bear to be alone for long periods of time, but how my other housemates agreed with me when we said we needed a time to recharge our batteries. While she finds working alone difficult and stressful, we find it the ultimate way to calm down, relax and think about new ideas. If someone seeks her out to talk, she will happily drop everything to do so. I could've probably quite easily murdered her, when she interrupted me while I was trying to write a poem.

But with this in mind, my parents would often lament in my teenage years, saying 'You don't see anyone enough. You don't talk to people enough.' and I was like 'Yes I do...what's facebook for?' I wasn't being a miserable, grumpy teenager (well...not entirely!), but I didn't understand how I would have to go to school for roughly six and a half hours; often spending time with people, whose company I did not enjoy, then be expected to spend my weekends socialising with people I would see the week after. For an introvert, this kind of thing is crazy. Let's do the maths!

If we spend 32.5 hrs per five days, being with people we both like and dislike talking to. Quite a large chunk of that time is spent socialising. 48hrs where we can solely spend time by ourselves or with our family seems quite a reasonable exchange. However, my mum who is extroverted and my dad who has created the persona of an extrovert, didn't understand this at all and it would often explode into me saying 'Because I don't like people!' Now, having read more on being an introvert and accepting this, I can now reasonably state that I do like people. I just don't like spending too much time with people. My introverted friends and I do meet up, but you're less likely to find us in a club, and more likely to find us curled up on the sofa, eating pizza and watching a good film. And no one overstays their welcome!

And that's why Tumblr is an amazing place for both socialising and not socialising. It fulfills the introvert's need for quiet time, deep thinking and talking with others. But it led me to wonder are there many extroverts on here? I'm certain some extroverts do enjoy Tumblr, but with their need to talk and be busy, are they around very often? If I was an extrovert, I would probably get annoyed with the amount of flack I get for being the way I am and how introversion is perceived as somehow nobler on the internet. I do think the internet is becoming a place for introverts, but that doesn't mean we should treat our extroverted cousins with disdain and label them with false stereotypes.

We've grown to be frustrated with a world that perceives our silence as ignorance, our steady tread as overly cautious and our inability to sell ideas as an inability to have no ideas. So let's not assume extroverts cannot become excited and passionate about ideas, just as much as we can. Even if they're busy networking in the real world right now, we should still keep the internet open for them too.

A Moment of Reflection

I don’t know what I am anymore,

I am at the cutting stage,
The moment of back and forward, A slicing of rope.

The soft nakedness of darkness,
Sweet, purple skies and the moon shattered into glass,
A light beyond all trees and sound,
The poisoned leaves scratching soft winds.

Your eyes are the colours of the world,
The small captivity of nature held in those great hands,
Please don’t break.

We see everything caught, held in a moment
Glistening reflection.
Those false colours.
Hold onto the grass, till you slip.

There is something dead in the golden wheat,
A cup of festering sweetness.
A ship caught on the tides of the sand,
So we must carry the moon.

Our music held within the trees and played forever and ever and ever and ever.
It cannot be lost.
But will still be.
They say we fall, because Eve’s tears slipped downwards.

The light shall shine on that tree,
On that deadened rock.
Let the sun shine across the marshes.
Till that moment of reflection

Again.

Again.

A    g    a    i     n

_______________________________________________________________________

Original poem by me. Hope you enjoyed.