Why I Became a Pagan

I get this question a lot, both from Pagans and Non-Pagans. Pagans tend to ask because it often leads to some interesting insights into a person's background, hobbies, beliefs, experiences and so forth. Non-Pagans tend to ask because they want to know why you decided to sign up to the Devil's email address! I am, of course, joking. Non-Pagans tend to ask because they often know very little about Paganism and are curious.

In all my experience with other Pagans, I've tended to see a good deal more thought and time spent on making a decision to be a Pagan. If you asked me why I became a Christian, I would say I didn't really have much choice in the matter. I attended a Church of England primary school, I sung hymns daily, read from the Bible and said my prayers. Everyone else was doing it and for the other Non-Christian kids they had to stay outside the Hall. Sometimes I thought they were lucky not to have to attend boring assemblies. Only now do I appreciate how lonely and isolating those times must have been for them. My religious education (if it can be called that!) was severely lacking. I know very little about Judaism, Islam, Hinduism, Sikhism and a multitude of smaller faiths. The only thing I remember from primary school was a story about the Prophet Muhammad comforting a crying Camel, and then drawing a picture of that (which I have since learned you are not meant to do...Sorry).

When I went onto secondary school it did not get much better, more attention was paid to the stories of the Hindu religion, a basic view of Sikhism and constant Christianity throughout. As fascinating and beautiful as those stories are, and as interesting as Sikhism was, I would've preferred learning something more about the basic principles of all the religions. I live in a country with a wide range of different religions and cultures, the fact I know so little about any of them feels rather shaming to me.

But I digress, I'll return to my main explanation. There is rarely one reason why a person chooses to become a Pagan. Everyone will walk down a different path and take different ways. Being a Pagan, well being any minority, is often difficult and complex. There is no right or wrong way to discover Paganism or to be a Pagan. But first I shall give some simple reasons as to why and then go into more depth further along.

• My Family
• My Reading
• My Experiences as a Christian
• My Experiences as a Atheist/Agnostic

My Family

My father originally came from a Catholic background, with accordance to his Anglo-Irish heritage. I am unsure where along the lines he decided to abandon his Catholic faith, but he has always been fascinated by science. He is a firm believer in evolution, the big bang and gravity. He's always taught me to respect nature, to take long walks, to appreciate where the food on the dinner table comes from. Knowing that food doesn't start out as nice slabs of pink meat wrapped in plastic, is the start of respecting the Earth and what she provides. 

He is rather critical of the Catholic Church due to the negative influence of the Church in Ireland. My Great-great Aunt was taken into a Catholic children's home, at the age of thirteen. We believe she was abused by the local Priest, became pregnant and was, of course, branded as a whore and blamed for her sinful nature. We know the nuns treated her awfully and forced her to give up the child. She was rescued by her sister, brought to England and it was never mentioned by my family again till much later.

My mother hasn't had much religious influence in her life. While my Granny has moments of suddenly remembering what a conservative Christian she is (I got in trouble for saying OMG!), they're both feminists, pro-choice, liberals. I've grown up around incredible, strong women. Half the time it's exhilarating and the rest terrifying, but it has made me who I am today and I will always be grateful for that. It got me the title of 'opinionated bitch who always has to be right.' or as I like to call it 'A Feminist'.

This caused a conflict between what I was being taught at home, and what I was being taught at school. While I was being taught at school to be a good girl, keep my legs crossed and wait till marriage, my mum was teaching me you can do whatever you like when you're older, as long as you keep yourself safe and healthy. While I was taught being a Christian was the only right thing to be, my mum and dad were teaching me all other religions were right too and didn't deserved to be belittled. While I wondered why there was slaves, infanticide and holy wars in the Bible, my parents were teaching me all these things were wrong.

My Reading

I read voraciously as a child. I especially adored Fairy Tales and Myths & Legends, I  practically became addicted to Greek and Roman mythology. In my adult life I still enjoy reading mythology, and looking further into historical fiction and fantasy. I've also studied historical periods, essays on psychology, feminism, religion and so on. My reading has fueled my interest further while I progressed through college and then onto university. It has been something that has guided my reading of most texts. My reading of Ancient Greek texts lead to my beliefs in the Ancient Greek Pantheon. While my reading of the Bible highlighted the many issues and problems within, that I was not meant to view as problems when I was a Christian.

My Experiences

When I was a child I was bullied daily, I had petit mal epilepsy and social anxiety. I became heavily reliant on Christianity to save me from my predicament. At first my beliefs guided me to think that as I was such a good Christian that I should be saved, that I was deserving of saving. If Christians had to suffer then I was certainly suffering, therefore I would receive God's grace. I prayed every night, asking God to bless my mother, my father, my brother, to feed the hungry, heal the sick and to stop the bullies who found every possible way to make my life miserable. When this didn't happen my thought then turned to whether I had done something wrong. Perhaps even in a past life. God was punishing me because I had been wicked and I deserved what was happening. Even now as I write this, this train of thought seems absolutely fucking crazy. But it led me, combined with the bullying and the tiring and emotionally draining medication I was on, to become suicidal. I was nine years old and I believed God wanted me to feel that way. But I had no way out, as suicide was a sin.


Just before I left my school I decided God was not answering my prayers, there was no God willing to help me and so I became an Atheist at the age of ten. On my last day of school I received a Bible and I couldn't help thinking, as I shook my headteacher's hand, 'How ironic!' I left school and realised there was no one to help me, bar myself, my friends and my family. I could not rely on any God, I had to rely on myself. This is something I've taken beyond being an Atheist, as a Pagan I still see it as vitally important that a person is able to rely on themselves and not seek out some grand metaphysical being to deal with all their problems. But being a Pagan has taught me so much, that being a Christian did not. I've learnt that loving myself is not a sin of pride, but a necessary way of being happy with myself and others. I've learnt to be more open with other people's faiths, to not feel haughty and proud because my faith is apparently the right one! I am one faith among many others, that share the same name with mine. Paganism is just one religion among many, and no one is entirely right or entirely wrong. It has taught me the Earth isn't my inheritance, but a gift and one that needs a lot of care with help from everyone, not just other Pagans. And that is why I became a Pagan.

Hades = The Devil? I Don't Think So.

How long? How long do I have to wait before I see a version of Greek Mythology that has not been Christianised within an inch of its life? Seriously, Hollywood, stop pissing me off...Well maybe not just Hollywood. I'm seeing a whole lot of this going on. And new Hercules...um...Gladiators?! Stop putting f***ing Gladiators in Ancient Greek films/tv shows.

Ah, hello readers. I shall calm myself and structure this into a proper argument.

As a Pagan, I am getting increasingly annoyed with how my beloved Gods are portrayed. Yes, I get it. You can't have a man-whore Zeus, a callous and jealous Hera and a not-quite-a-villain Hades in a Disney film. That's understandable. And in a way, as a writer, I completely understand new interpretations of Greek mythology; that has gone on for years and there are multitudes of different stories (some we probably don't even know about)!

I guess it's just all the romanticising that goes on. Myths aren't meant to be nice little fairytales (even fairytales aren't always fairytales - check out the original Brothers Grimm stuff, f***ing hell!). The main thing that's bugging me, is the way my friends (who aren't pagans or fountains of literary mythology knowledge), assume they know more than me about Greek mythology because they've read Percy Jackson or seen Atlantis (BBC TV Series). And all I can really do is sit there and shake my head. Because in reality, they only know the bastardised version of Greek mythology. The one that's been painted and preened till it's more wholesome and easier to swallow.

One of the reasons I chose to follow the Ancient Greek Gods, wasn't to be cool or unique, it was because they were more human than the Christian God I had followed. They weren't pinnacles of morality or righteousness. Half the time they did not stop the monsters, they caused them. Perhaps there's an immorality and a chaotic nature within me, that innately calls to that idea of passion and chaos. I don't want life to be easy and uncomplicated, where's the fun in that? You might say I am asking for trouble. Maybe I am, but the last thing I want in life is to live out a path that really means very little, either to myself or anyone else.

So in a way, I don't want to see my Gods neatened and dressed up, till they fit within a nice little Christian theme. Stop telling me and others that there is only good and evil. That for those of us who aren't 'evil', we won't ever become it or be able to understand it. And for those of us who are, there's really no escape from that path. Stop changing my view of life and death, for yours. I don't want to see your view of Hell, as my view of the Underworld. The respect and companionship we once had with Death, is now irrevocably changed. We now fear the expected, which is madness, yet we waste this current life worrying about it. Stop telling me that the Mother should be sweet and kind, the Father brave and resourceful and the Devil is without goodness.

I want my Paganism to be shown fully on TV and Films, without frills or censorship. I want there to be more than archetypes and stereotypes. And for once in all my life, I don't want to see Gladiator fights on an Ancient Greek film. Get those men entirely naked and running round a field! Or wrestling. I don't care, just make sure they're naked, check your historical facts first and then go to the myths for inspiration. There's nothing wrong with new stories and ideas, I just want some of my religion left behind when I see the final product and not a sweetened version of it.

Historical Documentary Drinking Game

So I don't forget the rules, I'm putting this down in my blog. This is the wonderful combination of nerdiness and hilarity! I developed this after watching The Royal Cousins at War, an excellent and interesting documentary by the BBC. But one thing I noticed was how every time they talked about people writing letters, they would always show a figure at a table writing a letter. So after laughing with my friends about this, we invented a drinking game.

Drink when you see:

• Fuzzy person writing a letter.
  
• Random castle or big house.
  
• Landscape or a bee buzzing round a flower or a lake...or nature in general.
  
• People/animals moving weirdly in old films.
  
• Excitable historian.
  
• Flamboyant historian.
  
• Overly serious and sour historian.
  
• Still photographs.
  
• Flag waving.
  
• Shitty reenactment battle scene.
  
• Creepy museums.
  
• Narrator walking down a long lane.

How to Write Historical Fiction

So I'll admit it, my count for published historical fiction is zero, BUT I would like to someday in the future! Several of my friends have noticed within our classes, how hard it is to get decent feedback for written historical fiction. We're taught not to use overly complicated metaphors or archaic language, yet these are common for books written during most historical periods. There is also the added difficulty of historical accuracy, very few people in any writer's workshop can often claim to have a large amount of historical knowledge. But there are a few guidelines and practices that I have found useful, when practicing my writing of historical fiction.

• Read up on the time period you are writing in - This can be both historical fact and fiction, often I've found the best ways are through good fiction writers, but non-fiction has its uses and you won't learn everything from fictional accounts. I recommend Philippa Gregory, Hilary Mantel, Eva Ibbotson, Adeline Yen Mah, John Boyne and Markus Zusak.
  
• Research about a normal day - If you have some characters in your mind, find out what would have been a normal day for them. Shocking political upheavals and plagues aside, learn what they would have done in the morning, how their family would have spent their time, what they would have eaten, what would they have talked about. The key with historical fiction is in subtle details, interwoven into the plotline. There will be all sorts of things you haven't ever thought about, but do so when just describing their day and it's a good way to kick start your research.
  
• Don't just rely on firsthand testimonies - This is mostly for 20th Century historical fiction (unless you happen to know someone who was alive during the battle of Hastings)! While firsthand accounts are useful, whoever you're gaining the information from won't be omnipresent. So make sure you have knowledge of both the period and events going on. The invented character can be naive or, like many people, not entirely aware of everything going on, BUT you should be. Your informant may have forgotten certain parts of what happened and you may want to change the story in some way. Remember the key is in subtle details and if you don't know something it will show.
  
• Don't rely on films - As fun as films are, they have a perchance to take a few liberties with historical details. Some are perfectly reasonable, but most of us would draw the line at landing craft, that weren't even invented until 1920, in a medieval film *coughRobinHoodcough*. Also, most films and TV shows use modern phrases to make their characters more appealing or to market it better to the public; and it's unlikely anyone was as gorgeous as...

Or: 

Or: 

However, drooling over the above men is perfectly acceptable!

• Having said that... - Don't bawl your eyes out if you don't know something and can't find it out. Sometimes what you want to know is so obscure and bizarre, you won't even be able to find it in any books, articles or online journals. Take a good guess or move onto the next bullet point...
  
• Historians are your friends - Sometimes this won't even be a professional historian, just a person who bloody loves whatever era you're writing about. If you give this person you work to critique, don't get pissy if they leave little historical notes all over your work. Run to them, kiss them and seek their advice. Take this opportunity to learn more from someone who's already done a load of research for you! They're not criticising you, just your work.
  
• Historical criticism is just as useful as writing criticism - I don't understand why this divides some people, apparently you're only meant to look at the writing itself, but if you had made an error with a Sci-fi book (say a particular piece of science) or a murder mystery (say police organisations) then people would point it out as a flaw in your writing. Getting things badly wrong in a historical novel is not something you want a publisher or agent to see. As I've said, sometimes you can take liberties, but it's better to know what you're talking about when it gets to that stage.
  
• Immerse yourself in the world - Visit castles, visit museums, visit churches, visit wherever your character toddles off to; within reason obviously, but find pictures and written pieces about the place. If your character likes certain places, e.g a woods or lake, try to find one near you and picture your character there. See if you can make a dinner they would have eaten or spend some time doing the activities they would have done.
  
• Get to know the Bible - Yes this sounds weird, I'm not trying to convert anyone I promise! But generally, if you're writing about a time in European history, then the Christian faith was a big part of everyone's life for thousands of years. Catholic, Church of England, Protestant, Quakers, learn how religion influenced every day life and huge political goings on. Naturally, if you're writing about China in the 12th Century, you don't have to worry so much about this!
  
• Get to know stories - Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table, Greek Myths and Legends, Shakespeare's work, etc.
  
• Enjoy doing what you do best - Writing a great story and getting to research your favourite historical period.

Good Luck!

Sexism within the Historical (Historically Inspired) Genre

This is an issue that makes me grit my teeth with annoyance, whenever an author uses a historical basis for a novel or sets it during a particular period, they are often accused of sexism because of the way women are represented. It seems all too easy for people to forget that the women, although they can be identifiable and sympathetic characters, that they are part of a time where women do not have the same rights as we do.

Truthfully, I'm sometimes amazed by how much authors can get away with making their characters more modern and independent than they probably were during the times. Philippa Gregory's infamous The Other Boleyn Girl, showed a balance between two different women; Mary Boleyn, who obeyed her male family members and did her duty, but was able to escape and find love. And Anne Boleyn, who uses her wiles and intelligence to gain power, although it leads to her downfall. People could argue this is sexist, that a woman using her charms and sexual power is anti-feminist, but during Tudor times this was basically all a woman had to gain power.






Yet even with novels that take inspiration from historical periods, rather than basing their story within one, often lead to criticism of female characters. Possibly more so when the book is not written by a woman. George R R Martin's series of novels, A Song of Ice and Fire (made notably famous by HBO's adaptation Game of Thrones) has received such criticism for the portrayal of women and sexual relationship within it. It would be impossible to deny the relationship between ASoIaF and the Cousin's War (or the War of the Roses - fought between the houses of York and Lancaster during 1455 to 1487). I came across many people who said about any and all female characters, 'Why did she obey her father when she didn't want to? Why doesn't she just leave? Why can't she make her own decisions?' Likewise, with Philippa Gregory's The White Queen, The Red Queen and The Kingmaker's Daughter, people keep forgetting these women don't have the luxury of choice. They have to maneuver themselves into the best position possible, all the while thinking about their family, their ties with friends and those in power. Many people dismiss Sansa in ASoIaF as weak and idiotic (the book portrays her better, giving us more insight into her thoughts and feelings); but even in the TV show she attempts to use her skills of manipulation to get what she wants.

Joffrey (after having Sansa kiss his sword - not a metaphor): You'll kiss it again when I return and taste my Uncle's blood. 

Sansa: Will you slay him yourself?

Joffrey: If Stannis is fool enough to come near me. 

Sansa: So you'll be outside the gates fighting in the vanguard...? 

Joffrey: A King doesn't discuss battle plans with stupid girls. 

Sansa: I'm sorry, your Grace, you're right, I'm stupid. Of course, you'll be in the vanguard. They say my brother Robb always goes where the fighting is thickest...and he's only a pretender.

Strangely, most people seem to ignore this attempt. Perhaps because it is almost too obvious. But what she does is clever, pushing Joffrey to endanger his life by comparing him with her brother, triggering his sense of masculine pride and urging him to fight where it is most dangerous. Sansa is not like Arya, her sister, nor ever will be. It is futile to compare the two as both are very different. But she's learning within the world of the court, what it is to use people's expectations of her against them. Her strength isn't through physical force, she doesn't have Daenerys' dragons, Arya's skill with a sword or Ygritte's with a bow, but she learns to use her beauty, facade of innocence and her skill with words to slowly begin to gain what she needs.

But let's not forget the ultimate of woman empowerment within the historically inspired genre. Eowyn from Lord of the Rings, written by J R R Tolkien. Eowyn does not even try to manipulate others to gain what she wants. She's frank and honest, surviving in a time of increasing difficulty: her Uncle's loss of power, her cousin's death and her brother's banishment. All the while desiring to fight and defend her country. To not be considered weak, because she is a woman.

“What do you fear, lady?" (Aragorn) asked. 

"A cage," (Éowyn) said. "To stay behind bars, until use and old age accept them, and all chance of doing great deeds is gone beyond recall or desire.”

Some have argued that Eowyn is representative of the women who took up male roles within the working environment; I, however, dispute this as simplistic and undermining Tolkien's great use of European myths and legends. Had she remained at home as her brother and Uncle so often remind her, for that is her duty and task, the initial war between Gondor and the forces of Mordor would have never been won. It is a woman who is the first to challenge the chief servant of Sauron, due to her desire to protect her family.

“Hinder me? Thou fool. No living man may hinder me!" (the Witch-king of Angmar). 

Then Merry heard in all sounds of the hour the strangest. It seemed that Dernhelm laughed, and the clear voice was like the ring of steel."But no living man am I! You are looking upon a woman. Eowyn am I, Eomund's daughter. You stand between me and my lord and kin. Begone, if you be not deathless! For living or dark undead, I will smite you, if you touch him."   

The winged creature screamed at her, but then the Ringwraith was silent, as if in sudden doubt. Very amazement for a moment conquered Merry's fear. He opened his eyes and the blackness was lifted from them. There some paces from him sat the great beast, and all seemed dark about it, and above it loomed the Nazgul Lord like a shadow of despair. A little to the left facing them stood whom he had called Dernhelm. But the helm of her secrecy had fallen from her, and and her bright hair, released from its bonds, gleamed with pale gold upon her shoulders. Her eyes grey as the sea were hard and fell, and yet tears gleamed in them. A sword was in her hand, and she raised her shield against the horror of her enemy's eyes.”

So in the end, I would argue that all these women have as much power as reasonably gained. The authors themselves aren't sexist; they are merely applying the rules, morals and politics of the time or of their created time on these characters. Abandoning realism to suit a desire to craft modern women in a historical period, simply reduces a story and the depth of characterisation. It does not make a story better. Readers like to see unlikely and downtrodden characters do well, and having a range of different women means young girls can find something inspiring and personal for them; even if the characters like dresses, lemon cake, roses, swords, get married, have children or remain single. Our ability to like a character should not be based on their gender, but how well written the story and characters are.

References: HBO's Game of Thrones, Lord of the Rings - The Two Towers (J R R Tolkien), Lord of the Rings - Return of the King (J R R Tolkien). The Other Boleyn Girl, The White Queen, The Red Queen and the Kingmaker's Daughter (Philippa Gregory).