No1 Annoying Thing about Sex

Today my friend was reading out a list, from a Metro article '27 things men do in bed that women hate', about all the many annoying things men do during sex. I couldn't help rolling my eyes and sighing out loud. But today I did manage to think of the most annoying thing I find concerning sex, which effects everyone.

1. Writing an article about all the annoying sex habits your partner has, instead of actually talking to them about it.

Delicate egos and one night stands aside, most men I've come across have been more than willing to make sure I was ok and enjoying every minute. If you're in a long term relationship with someone, then they should be aware of what makes you happy and what makes you unhappy. If you're too worried about whether their cock will shrivel up and die, by suggesting you don't like your hair being pulled, then maybe you should reconsider your attitude towards the relationship or theirs.

Plus any list that groups together heterosexual females in one category determining whether they like or dislike certain sexual activities, is rarely a good idea. For one, I have no problem with putting a man's condom on him or him asking whether I like something...Um, women of Metro, isn't that the whole problem? That these men don't ask you whether you like certain things. So here's my response.

1. Online Porn Site Sex Position - If they're so keen to do this, discuss it before you wind up doing a headstand or if you find something uncomfortable, just say so.

2. What face do I pull? - Well hopefully you'll be in the throws of pure pleasure. Or hell, just whatever comes naturally.

3. When they ask YOU to put the condom on - Just deal with it, like the mature, sexy woman you are. You don't want to get pregnant, condoms aren't particularly comfortable for men and if you've come this far then realise you're both part and parcel of this.

4. Spanking - Saying 'Ow, that hurt.' tends to work. Unless you enjoy D/S or BDSM, but if you do you should have an alternative safe word.

5. When they stop - You're not going to get a vaginal orgasm every time, so don't worry too much about this. Don't blame each other. If you have the stamina, have a rest and see if you can continue.

6. Asking “do you like that?” - I fail to see the problem here. He's being nice. Jesus, give the guy some slack!

7. Gag reflect - Hand at the base of the penis, means even if he pushes your head further down, you still have control.

8. Stripping - You're one sexy lady, maintain eye contact, smile confidently, laugh if you make a mistake. More you worry about it, the worse it gets.

9. Online Reading - See No.1

10. Bum - See No.1/No.4

11. Dragging it out - See No.6

12. Going down on you in the morning - Say you're not in the mood and suggest showering together.

13. Putting their fingers everywhere - Pull his hands to a particular place on your body or ask him to touch you somewhere.

14. Sticking objects in you - See No.1/No.4

15. Anal Sex - See No.1/No.4

16. Aggressive Foreplay - See No.1/No.4

17. Nipple biting - See No.4

18. Pulling your hair - See No.4

19. Baggy boxers - Whoop Xmas Present.

20. Man stubble - If it's uncomfortable, tell him.

21. 69 - See No.1 Tell the truth.

22. Fried chicken before a blow job - Um...avoid fried chicken before bed?

23. Rushing foreplay/27 seconds - See No.1/No.5/Tell him.

24. Wanting to ejaculate on your face - See No.1

25. Being passive aggressive when they can’t make you orgasm - See No.5

26. Trying to remove underwear with their teeth - Ok...that's kind of weird. But maybe it floats some people's boats.

27. Not cleaning properly - Shower/bathe together. Two birds, one stone!

Point is, sometimes these things may turn some people on and sometimes they won't. If something is bothering you, then just freaking tell your partner. Do it nicely, but sheesh! If you want them to stop doing something, they're not going to read your fucking mind and realise you don't like it. If you feel uncomfortable broaching the topic of sex, then maybe you should consider your whole relationship to sex. Sex is and should be wonderful, it can be passionate, loving, hot as hell, it can also be awkward and funny. But it shouldn't be painful or uncomfortable for very long. Do yourself and your partner a favour by being honest with what you want, what you like and what you don't like. It pays off in the end.